To Train up a Child… by Meredith Motley

"Your children are so well-behaved." I hear this often because we have taken the time to really train the correct behavior at a young age. As parents, behavior shaping is up to us.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not part form it" Proverbs 22:6
This, I believe, is the key verse for parenting my little ones. Train up a child means to help guide your child as he is growing, to help him be the way God wants him to be. Personally, I have always wanted my children to be enjoyed by others. I never want anyone to say, "Oh no, here come the Motley children again." That is the last thing I ever want said about my family. Therefore, I have made a point to teach my children how to behave around other people. The majority of compliments I receive is because of Jennifer's manners. She usually says "please" and "thank you," which we have trained at home, and yes, she needs soft reminders at times, because she is three. I am grateful when she is with others and says "please may I have?" or "thank you very much."

Ten month-old JD is learning to tell us what he wants, through sign language. This is so helpful in understanding him and opening the bonds of communication. However, tears and crying are still his preferred method, as it takes less work on his part and he usually gets what he wants. And that is where I have slipped in my training with him. I have allowed him to get what he wants without following the set "guidelines." For example, we have set the guideline that to be picked up, he needs to stop crying. Simple, yet there are so many times, especially during the night, that he is bawling, and one of us (John or I) go in and scoop him up. Another is that he is not allowed to scream and throw fits. This has been a rule in our house since Jennifer was about 4 months old and we began training her. However, JD has gotten away with screaming at the top of his lungs for several minutes on end. I have seen the error of my ways and am now trying to retrain him, and trust me, it is harder now. I should have nipped it in the bud when his will first rose up against me, as we did with Jennifer. But, persistence and consistency will prevail, and I am determined to not have a little hellion on the loose.

Now, you may be thinking, "that's all fine and wonderful, she has tiny children, I have an out-of-control 10 or 12 year-old, I can't do that!" Sure you can, it just takes a little more work because you will need to retrain. If you decide that you want to "reshape" your child, start small, start slow. One "issue" to tackle may be if you ask your child to come immediately and their response is, "In a minute, Mom." or "Just a second." This usually means that your child is putting his own agenda ahead of anything you might want or need. It's time for action to train obedience and attentiveness.

There are many different "strategies" to child rearing out there. Most "experts" will tell you to distract your child from the unwanted behavior with something else, or ignore it altogether. Personally, I follow the scriptures: "the rod and reproof give wisdom." Proverbs 29:15, and "he that spares the rod hates his son; but he who loves him disciplines him promptly." Proverbs 13:24. I firmly believe that when the rod of correction is used properly (i.e. not out of anger), that it works wonderfully. Fortunately by training early, we find we don't have to discipline or spank very often.

By the way, I haven't come up with this on my own. I have read and re-read Mike Pearl's book, To Train Up a Child. I also recommend the sequel, No Greater Joy (four volumes). The Pearls are a home schooling family who have a vast knowledge of the Word and how to implement it with our children. Some of the strategies that Mike mentions include turning obedience training into a game. Make it fun, and your children will be much more willing to learn and change. Mind you, I don't follow his book word for word, and there are some things I don't necessarily agree with, but as a whole, I highly recommend this book. Though child training can seem overwhelming, God usually only asks us to work on one or two areas at a time. Once the little battles have been won, and your child realizes that you are in charge, life will be much easier for all.

To Train up a Child	$8.99
No Greater Joy Volume 1	$8.99
No Greater Joy Volume 2	$8.99
No Greater Joy Volume 3	$8.99