The Testing of a Twelve Year Old

by Teri Spray

What happens to a child when he or she turns twelve? It's like he is a completely different person! What does the Bible say about this age of accountability?

"Something is wrong with my son," Sandi's voice nearly cracked on the phone. This was an alarming sound coming from a mother who was usually so upbeat and positive about almost everything. "Everything has changed since he turned thirteen. I don't know what happened. Now he seems to argue with us about everything. He doesn't get along with his brother like he used to. He doesn't have any interest in family activities and he has even begun to sneak out at night."

I was stunned when I heard these words. I had seen this boy interact with his family. He seemed very loved and nurtured by both parents. He was thriving in home school. He was well-liked and respected around our church. However, I did notice that he liked to test boundaries and was typically surrounded by other kids who would test the boundaries right along with him. What had changed? Why had this attractive fun-loving child suddenly become a potential candidate for a juvenile detention center?

I believe the answer may be found in his age. It appears this young man had reached an age of spiritual accountability, with the morals of a young child. Recently our youth pastor, David Purvis brought a twelve-year-old boy up to the front of our church. He went on to explain what twelve-year-old boys were known for in the Bible:

Young King David was only twelve he brought food to his older brothers and subsequently attacked and killed Goliath. His twelve-year old morals were firmly in place as he rose up against a giant who would dare to taunt the Lord God of Israel. David was incensed that this uncircumcised Philistine could mock the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. It was anointed skill mixed with Godly zeal which defeated Goliath that day through the body of a twelve-year-old boy.

When Jesus stayed behind his parents to teach the elders and statesmen of the day at the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, he was only twelve years old. Jesus, was fully man, which means He was fully "boy" as he instructed and matched wits with the religious leaders of Jerusalem. Obviously he was morally strong and grounded by the age of twelve. So what has happened to the American twelve-year-olds of the 21st Century?

In only the past fifty years, have young adults been called teenagers. If this were 1942, I could not talk to you about a teenager. The 12-21 crowd were known only as youth. Many of our youth were plowing the fields and running the business while the rest of the men were off to war. It wasn't until the 50's that "teenager" became a household word. Perhaps it was because so many 17-18 year -olds had died in battles during the two world wars, that a new attitude emerged regarding the tender teenage years following World War II. Since then "teenagers" have also been known as "beatniks," "hippies," "punkers," "gang-bangers," "skaters," and "saggers."

One hundred years ago our young adults were not hanging out, but in training alongside adults who mentored them. The young men would learn trades, plow fields, and do heavy labor. Many young men over the age of twelve moved away from home to learn trades or attend schools. Moral training was a priority in the early years lest the son be a disappointment and discredit his family. Girls were mentored by the women in their community. They typically stayed closer to home, but would work with other families to care for their children, sick, or elderly. They would learn quickly to manage a household, sew and cook during their young adult years. Soon they would handle the responsibilities of feeding and caring for their nuclear family as well as others during their prenuptial years.

The Jewish tradition celebrates a Bar Mitzvah for boys and a Bat Mitzvah for girls at the age of twelve. These celebrations are actually spiritual graduations. The youngster is required to learn Hebrew and understand and memorize large portions of scripture. In some Christian churches, twelve-year -olds take courses for confirmation. This also requires lengthy preparation and Bible study followed by a formal ceremony. Typically these ceremonies signify a new level of spiritual maturity on the part of the young person. After Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy is qualified to read and recite the Torah orally in the Synagogue with the rest of the men. During her Bat Mitzvah the Jewish girl walks about the synagogue ceremoniously carrying the Torah scrolls which symbolizes her new level of understanding to rightly discern the word of God.

Could it be that God holds twelve year old children to a higher level of spiritual accountability? Could it be that God is calling our twelve year -olds to Himself? Perhaps God Bar Mitzvahs our children Himself supernaturally simply because they have reached an age of accountability...

The possibility exists that twelve year old children become more accountable to God for their actions, and attitudes. When a child reaches the age of twelve and does not have a personal relationship with God, problems seem to suddenly emerge. I believe these young adults become surly because they feel a new sense of guilt and shame rising that was not there before. This increased inner conscience is God?s guidance away from sin, but if they do not understand God's inner voice and subsequent forgiveness and redemption, then anger and self-hatred erupt.

Could it be that our parent prayers of protection become less effective during these changing years? (However, parent prayers are always important!) As a parent of adult children I am convinced that God uses my prayers differently as my children mature. In the early years I was able to pray protection over my children and shield them from many attacks on many sides. As they have grown older I now see my prayers acting as spiritual dust wands. My prayers help brush away the clutter and confusion of the world. Then they seem more able to discern the will of God amidst the chaos and confusions of adulthood. I can no longer prevent Satan’s arrows from flying toward my children, but I can pray in faith that they will remember who they are in Christ and withstand the fiery darts.

When our son, Jeremy, was twelve years old we took him to a specialist for an adenoid problem. The doctor said his adenoids were enlarged to the size of golf balls and should probably be removed soon. Our medical insurance company considered the surgery elective and would not pay for it. When we prayed, we sensed that God planned to heal Jeremy without surgery. However, this time it would not be our prayers which would bring about Jeremy’s healing, but his own. We went to our son and explained that we would find a way to pay for surgery if that is what he really wanted. However, none of us had a peace about it. We encouraged Jeremy to seek God on his own for his healing and we would agree with him in prayer. Six months later, his adenoid problem was gone and has never returned. We now feel that those adenoids have protected Jeremy from chronic sinus infections. More than that, we feel that God wanted to meet Jeremy in a new level of faith and trust that year.

My friend Sandi and her husband spent a challenging life-changing summer with their 13-year-old son. They restricted many aspects of his life and replaced them with intensive, loving family times. We gave them four books from Mike and Debbie Pearl on training and raising children. (Train Up a Child, No Greater Joy Volumes 1-3) They also watched SM Davis' teaching on "Changing the Heart of a Rebel." By fall their son had changed dramatically. He seems much friendlier, and happier now. A favorite part of attending our church is the warm and friendly greetings from their son who is now a leader in his youth group.